birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
