Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
