i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
