that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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