dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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