I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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