just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
