You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
