We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
