I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
