she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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