So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
