I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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