we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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