So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
