I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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