Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
