i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize