In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
