So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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