It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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