Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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