Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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