This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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