Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I believe in your delicious
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
