It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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