Non-Jews are for practice
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
