I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
