Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
