the condom got lost in my hair
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
