Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
