i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
