need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
