Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Damn victory sex feels great
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
