We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
