my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
