I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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