well I can't set my house on fire every night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
