Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
