4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
