i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
