Say something about gay babies.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
