it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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