Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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