First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
