my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
