Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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