Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
