OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
