WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
