if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
