Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize