Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
