you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
