God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
