I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My ATM looks so different sober.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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