Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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