i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
