I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want to stick my p in your. b.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
