In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
