Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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