Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
