So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
