I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize