dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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