How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
