i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
