I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He did a backflip because drugs
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