Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pooping to opera.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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