so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
