I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
